Wheels, Pedals, Person

Emerging from a press conference about the new cable car over the Thames, bumbling whack-job Boris Johnson — carried away on the excitement of it all — announced further plans for London's transport infrastructure. Sponsored by Victoria Wines and dubbed the "Thames Free-flyer" Boris unveiled an idea he'd been working on '...during a late evening bender with some old chums from school'; a full-scale medieval trebuchet designed for 'Passenger transport for the 20th century'.

Award-winning design conglomerate 'Ittle-Knotwork' unveiled plans at the press conference amid speculation that the current Mayor of London 'might have finally lost it'. Quashing this opinion was a local Conservative Party MP who was quoted to have said "Hahaha, that's f*cking amazing!" before wandering off with two glasses of champagne.

The project's Chief Engineer, who declined to give his name, explained the mechanism; "The passenger, having bought what we're calling a 'boarding card', is loaded into the rear of the trebuchet before the mechanism is wound up and they're flung across, well mostly across, the Thames. Any luggage or belongings can be transported separately, dragged across using a rope we've strung from the railings next to the river".

Estimated to be complete in time for the Olympic Games, Mr Johnson hoped that "It will hammer home the point that London is a modern and innovative city, ready to face the 1990's with both barrels blazing!". When asked about budget, Boris confirmed that it would be 100% privately funded, although he did admit "We might have to borrow a bit for catering, because often it's just those small triangular sandwiches and that salad that nobody eats and there aren't even any Monster Munch!".

Caterers were unavailable for comment.

Photos from Jeremy73 and ckhowley under Creative Commons licensing.